HELP WANTED

Help wanted! I love those two words! To me they mean a mountain of possibilities. An adventure, if you will, into the unknown, a new chapter in my otherwise dull life......Where I will almost definitely, fall flat on my.......well.......you get the idea...........


So I am in search for work which as you know; is a job in itself. I am not sure who came up with that statement; but I am guessing it was someone...shall we say.......uummmm....stupid!?
If you think that looking for a job is a job in itself; let me clue you in on a couple of things. Now I know that one may or may not recall (depending on how long one has been unemployed) what a “job is. Let’s begin:
1) jobs usually by definition PAY you something. Now payments can come in many forms i.e. food, money, shelter you get the idea. However what a "job" does not do is NOT pay you. So while your out of work and looking for work....ummmmm...Yup; NO ONE is paying you...
2) Looking for a job is not like a job in that; if you don't show up for work no one fires you.
3) And this may go with number two as well: if no one cares that you have not showed up then the probabilities; are high that they wont care when you leave.... Yes; also a sign that this is NOT a job.

4) And finally…. and this should not even have to be said: If you have NO MONEY; that is a sign you don't have a job. And no, no amount of time you spend looking for a job; will ever make up for that fact.

I am sorry. I hate being right. Don't hate me because I am beautiful.........

I love all the “helpful tips" you get when looking for a job.....
"Don't look desperate"....Ummmmm but I am desperate?! How does one not look desperate? Let see………….

Interviewer: “So were looking to hire someone pretty much right away".
Me:” Oh..... That's nice. Good. Well....... give me a call if you want to. Or....... don't call. Either way. That's fine. Whatever you decide".
Yeah this employer will snatch you right up! NOT..........

I hate being right about this. I for one like someone who will beg (on command) if I ask them to. So as an interviewer/employer I am looking for that person; the desperate beggar. Think of about it. You as an employer continually have someone who is begging to: work late, come in early, run your errands, call your mom, walk your dogs and still begs you to do more.......Ummmm? yeah! Your hired!...........

I also hate it when people ask: are you a professional? A professional what? I asked someone this a long time ago and this is sort of how that conversation went.
" I think people as you if you’re a professional because they want to know if you went beyond high school".....(Okay intriguing)...Why? I ask her. She answers: "Well an employer wants to know if you will be someone "responsible" and are "committed" to something?...
(Aha?)....... "Well I have been committed to chocolate for the past....I don't know?........35 years? Is that what you mean? She answers: "Noooooo", she responds getting a bit irritated that I have cornered her into this “conversation”. "Well what do you mean?" I ask her. I love to make people squirm.........hee hee......
She says: "Well they (employer) want to know that you have been "educated"; beyond a high school education. You know." she adds, "That you followed a course of study". "Oh" I say flatly.


"So let me see if I got this right. In your world" I say, " I have to be "educated" from college and go beyond high school; in order to be thought of as a "responsible" person”.
I continue, "Hmmmmm?.....Interesting"........and then I bust out laughing! I couldn’t help it. Don’t hate me.
She just stares at me with this kind of: "What the hell are you laughing at" kind of eyes. So she asks me just that……
My response to her: "Well it’s funny!! Your premise on why/why not people get hired”. I continue, “It is also funny that our current politicians are the epitome of what is wrong with your version of the so called "educated" people”.
“What do you mean?”, she asks annoyed.
“Education” I tell her, “ is not a guarantee that people are going to be "responsible", that they are going to be "intellectual" or even trustworthy”.
I go on,” and as far as “committed” goes I think you need to define your terms”. “I can be committed”, I continue, “ to robbing you blind, I can be committed to making your life hell”…..
She interrupts getting angrier by the minute, “Were talking about people in the workplace”. To which I answer: “So Am I!”…..
I began my cross examination, "Money my dear is the source you fail to mention; by all accounts the source which makes all these things possible”. ”And”, I continue a la Perry Mason, “Money is what MAKES people appear to be “responsible”; NOT their education”.
“Listen”, I tell her feeling sorry that she is within ear shot of my wrath, “All people will never be reliable, responsible and all the other bologna that you have been taught since school age”. I continue, “ But at least money will make people predictable”.
“So the more money you make the more predictable you are? How do you mean? She asks.
To which I say, “Presumably the more money you have/make the more you need/think you need it. Hence the odds that you will show up for work will be greater” I continue, “It does not mean that in your place on the ladder; you will be responsible/ committed”. I continue, “ It simply means that you are most likely to show up”........”Remember ENRON?........Hmmmmmmmm?.......
In case your wondering me and this person are still friends. And yes she has come over to my side a bit. I am proud to say!

So anyway…… Here is a better definition and one that I can least live with:

This comes to us today from "walterncool" from Yahoo answers (okay so it's not exactly the library of Congress; but for today's purposes it will do).
And to make this a more meaningful read; place the words “we the people” where it reads “employer”.
"Being professional means fulfilling responsibilities and taking heat. Any employee, no matter what the job, has a contractual obligation to the employer to fulfill the requirements of his or her job description while giving the employer's interests high priority". "Beyond that, working professionally generally means holding to more formal standards of performance and ethics than you might in your personal life. Conform to professional and/or industry standards in doing your job. Do it skillfully and well. Don't pursue personal agendas at the company's expense. Work hard; play fair. Represent your employer, your fellow workers, and yourself with dignity. Give the client and employer more than their money's worth".

I like this answer. Clear and it makes my point. You work; you are a professional. The more power you have the more responsibility you owe. Just ask Spider Man.
Adios!