WOMAN SCOUT

.and yesterday I was running my morning errands; well "running" is a bit dramatic here......But anyway, it was a cold rainy morning the kind that reminds you that winter is just around the corner; and about to bite you in the….Well you get the idea .......As I make my way down town (an I use the term "downtown” loosely) as I live in a small town; population 600 and 3 cats. "Downtown" consists of 2 blocks; but it is a very cute two blocks. I remember when my husband first brought me here. I fell in love with this little story book like town. It seems that every street is filled with huge trees and pretty little houses. My favorite time around here is Christmas. I love the way the lights glisten in the snow…..Okay, okay, enough of this cute stuff….This story is hard core!!!! Yeah!!!!!!! So I am driving along listening to an old Ricky Martin CD (oh yeah I am real hip). I am pausing for laughter………………Done?.........Okay……..so I see a very old and frail lady. This lady is walking (by walking I mean some movement can be detected); as she holds a pile of books toward her chest. I am thinking it’s raining, it’s cold; and this poor woman is walking through these streets alone. The horror! So having gone to a private catholic school and being the good Samaritan that I am; I have to stop and help. It is my belief that offering help; is the price you pay for guilt. Trust me. However not having belonged to any Girls Scout’s group; my methods are shall we say, a bit "unorthodox". I park and leave my car (still running); so that it blocks traffic down an alley. “Who would need to go down this alley? I say to myself. “It’s so small”. Yes folks this is my reasoning. Really. One can see why I am not in the running for city planner. Plus I say to myself: “the “traffic” around here during “rush” hour is about 8-9 cars on the road.... and I don’t think it’s even an hour”………Ahhhhh yes, the sweet sense of the senseless……. Actually I have to tell you this first: When my family and I first moved here (from the “big” city); we were shocked by all the silence. To learn that the place where we had moved to deliberately; shuts down at 9p.m. is a huge shock ! Oh yeah…….. 9p.m…………. Well I guess I should clarify (in case the town mayor is reading this); everything shuts down but the "Kwiky Mart". “Kwiky Mart” is the name we have given it. My son used to watch countless hours of “The Simpson”; and you can guess the rest. So as you can see my life is very glamorous. At any time of the day or night I can get a slushy, ice, pizza ..........And at a moments notice I can jet out to Duluth; and be back in time for dinner....Aaaaaaaaaaah the high life…..Don’t hate me because I am one of the beautiful people…….. So getting back to my story (and to earth). I get out of my car and in true “Good Samaritan” fashion I run behind this old lady and yell: “Excuse me do you need some help?” Now as a side note here: It is common knowledge that all old ladies are deaf; something about their ear drums shrinking”. It’s true I read this somewhere (Tales of the Crypt Monthly)…. I wait in anticipation for this sweet old lady to look into my eyes and thank me for my heroic deed. As she looks up at me with her gray eyes and sad little face, she says flatly: "No". ………And there you have it folks “Angels at work”!!!!!!!!!!!!.....This is how you do it people; so take note. As I excuse myself and turn around feeling as though I have been slapped across the face; I hear a distant chatter. It’s the little old lady; she is talking to me. Actually it seems as though she has been carrying on a conversation all along; but I digress. This is what I was able to detect: ……. “So I was one of the first women to set up a missionary home in Africa!". At least that is what I think she said? She also goes on to tell me that she was a teacher for 53 years! That she lived in Hawaii for a time and did all kinds of things to help others. So I ask her what kind of teacher she was and she says: "I am a sister"!......... What are the odds?....... As it turns out I stood outside talking to her(the little old lady) in the freezing cold; for what seemed like an eternity.........It reminded of a sitcom where I am trying to get out of a conversation but can't. So I kept waiting for a break, a pause, the taking in of breath, a cough…. something!!!........But nothing….nothing happened....... By this time it had stopped raining a bit; I considered it a sign to get while the getting was good! So I am thinking of a way to extricate myself from these proceedings; in a nice way so that I can still make my mom proud......... So I say:"Well I got to get going it was nice to meet you". She says: "Yeeeeees....anyway when I was in Chicago........I try again: "Okay then; I have to get going my car has been running all this time!". She says: "Oh my!"........"and anyway".........I try then to become part of the conversation; you know if you can’t beat them? So I say: "So Sister how was it th?...........She interrupts: "Listen! Listen! "So I was”................. I sigh to myself and think: “Well this is it”. This is the spot where I will have to pitch a tent; and live my remaining years…..Will my son come visit? Would I still be able to get “Meals on Wheels” without a real address (“What’s that?... Yeah I live in the corner of Washington Street and 5th….literally… Yes). What would my tombstone say I wondered? ……..”Here lies a good soul…….there is one born every minute” …... So far I am thinking; this good Samaritan stuff sucks!!!!!!.....So I try again: “Well"........and then I see it!........ My beacon of hope, my salvation!.... A grumpy bus driver has started to honk her horn at my car! As you may or may not know; honking at an empty car will make it move. It’s true I read it somewhere; so you know it’s true. “YES!” I shout to myself, “Thank the good Lord above for public transportation!”...........Who knew the way to end a conversation with a nun; was to annoy the hell out of a bus driver???............There is a mixed metaphor in there somewhere?............ Truth be told I did like to listen to the old ladies’ stories; she has lived much and helped many. I realized that she must have felt very lonely and needed to talk; so listening was the least I could do. I would do it again...... We don't take time anymore to really listen to others; I am guilty of this as well. Our society has become very “me” conscious….. And this always reminds me of the old joke: "So enough about me; "what do you think about me?”……. Till another tale! Take care!