Got Spanish?

Hola/Hello Everyone!!!!!!

So I have been busy today trying to find some other things my readers may be interested in.

So I did some digging, (not outside though too cold),but in the vast tunnels of my mind.........What did I find?....Glad you asked.......

Well besides some much needed cleaning and more than few cobwebs; I realized that I needed to add more about one of my "mother" tongues....One of them being: Spanish...Duh!......Yes another "Duh" moment for me......

By the way. Why do they do the call it "your mother tongue"?...Does there seem to be a mother in law joke in there to you?.....Okay, okay...... focus people!!!!!

So here is my plan........

Yes!!!! I will bore you with Spanish lessons, culture, about my life over seas, my family, food and so much moooooooore.......More Latina info. than you EVER dreamed of!!!!!!!!

So as you read these "lesson-gems" email me with questions/dilemmas at:
gotspanish@gmail.com

There I will be able to give you more tips (tailored to your situation); and these tips will become a part of my Blog. I will also be able to provide you with the tools you will need the most to learn Spanish. Most importantly I will learn about my readers!

So staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay tuned!!!!!!Wake up!

An Aha! Moment!

Okay I hate to use this term: "Aha moment". It sounds very commercialized/dorky to me."No se que?".......

In any event I had one of those moments this evening. By the way what is an "Aha! Moment?" It seems to me an aha! moment does not necessarily mean something good. I mean I guess that is what it's supposed symbolize?... "Aha! I found my slippers!", "Aha! I remember where I left my keys!" or "Aha! You cheating bastard I gotcha now!!!!"........See watta I mean?.........

Any who. I was talking to my husband (yes on occasion men and women can converse and these conversations don't often involve the t.v. remote).....More on this another time.....

So ya know how when someone tells you something that makes you think?.... "Well yeah!" "Duh!".......This is what happen to me tonight. I can admit it, I am a strong Latina. So here goes that story......

I was writing a new column and asked my husband (as he is my spelling Guru), how to spell something. Now, yes, I know what you are thinking. "Duh, use the spell check". Well hold on there!......... I did use the spell check only to find that their were like 15 different ways to spell this word. And, NO! I will not tell you the word I could not spell, for the life of me! It's too embarrassing.

Anyway as I was saying, before I so rudely interrupted myself: I asked my Guru hubby.

My Guru says to me (after answering my questions), "So like you speak Spanish right?".......Uhmmmmmmmmmm? "Yeah hon". "All my life". So he says, "Well I was thinking how come you don't translate your Blog into Spanish?", he continues, "I mean the whole "thing" is based on the fact that you are a Latina and can speak two languages right?"....."Uuuuuuum? Yeah hon". He says, "Weeeeeeeeell?........This would be a great way for Latinos and "those who speak Spanish" to read it as well!"

Hmmmmmmmmmm? Let's recap: "This would be a good way for Latinos AND "those" who speak "Spanish" to read it too"..........I am sorry, "honk", I need a judges ruling on this..... "Latinos and "those" who speak Spanish? Ya see how these pearls just fall on my lap? Watta am I to do? I can't not take a shot!

So in my Guru's world there are "Latinos" and "those" who speak Spanish? I think I need to re address/down grade him from that whole "Guru" thing......Definitely.......

Anyway back to my story........"BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!", I thought. "Why the hell did I not think of that?".....Duh!!!!!!!!!! (So this really became a "DUH" moment; not an aha! one). But that's how I am. That's how I roll people!

What is that saying? About being too close to the trees or the forest or something outside???? "If you get too close to a bush you can get a rash? I don't know......But it's true!!!!! If you are too close to nature you can't see a damn thing!!!....At lest that's what I think politicians say when they are hunting?.....I will leave that one to your imagination........

Speaking of nature. I had a friend who would go on vacation to her cabin. Now I must explain here before you get visions; of some gorgeous retreat in the mountains a la Hollywood style. This was not a "retreat" as in: "Oh I have to go there." This was maybe "retreat" as in: "I can't believe I came here deliberately?" Kinda thing. Okay?

One of the "special" things that her cabin lacked (of many); was that it had no running water or indoor plumbing. That's right people; this is living! Now follow me here it may get tricky........Since it had no "indoor" plumbing......Wait for it.... Yup......She had to use the out door plumbing "facilities". Yaah! She had to pee outside! I KNOW!!......

So I was like, "How the hell do you do that?", "I mean what if a thing goes up your butt or what ever?" She would laugh and answer me in a very calm instructional-tape-like- voice, "I am just too close to nature to see anything; all I feel is calmness all around me". To which I said, "Well yeah I can be calm too; but I can still feel when something bites my ass?"..........I digress.....

So anyway......... I will be translating my column (to the best of my ability) into to the Spanish language. Now I use the term "to the best of my ability" very "deliberately" here, as well as a "disclaimer"....... Don't like, count on the fact that the translating you see/read is correct. Ya know?....... Ask around....... Send me comments....... Correct me....... Whatever........ But by no means assume that I am a "translating queen".

Remember when you assume?.......You make an ass out of you and Uma Thurman.............

My first Blog.........What dare I say?.......

I should have written this a while back........But here goes....

Well I did it! I made a Blog; so now what?..hmmm?.....So much to say....so much to talk about......So much to think about. I just watched an interesting episode in what we call " television-media". I will share my take on it with you. And maybe make ya laugh! ...................

I was watching a show tonight that showed an overweight actress talking about her weight gain, loss, gain. I think this too, is the story of my life and the lives of so many; with a tiny difference.......Were not in Hollywood.

We, my friends/amigos, are not part of the beautiful Hollywood people.

A side note here: My mom thinks that all of "us" I(you/me) are the real beautiful people. Mom says that if we think about it; they (Hollywood) are the really ugly people!? Her reasoning: “Hollywood people have 5 different “assistants” getting them “ready” in the morning”. Mom goes on: “One has to be pretty damn ugly; not to look good after that!” I like this analysis.

Let's continue the show.

The woman in this show seemed to think that she had found the "key" to weight loss. Yes folks she had found the key; but she was not divulging where it was? This seemed hilarious to me; as she claimed to be out there to "help" people???
Oh this too easy. I can go in soooo many different ways here?..hmmm?......Okay.

Well this actress, (the one that wants to help “the people”), would only tell the host of the show; the whereabouts of said key. She (the actress) could not tell the rest of us pathetic losers; till she had launched her "weight loss" program?! ......I mean her “key”.

Here comes the funny part. I saw the host of this show about a month ago and thin would NOT be a word; I would use to describe this person. AT ALL!

Hmmmmm?.......Could it be possible that the actress gave the host; a key to the mint instead? Maybe she got her metaphors crossed?.........Possible?………..

Anyway. The actress had apparently lost 20 some pounds already in but a few weeks. Yes "weight loss" was detected, (by her I guess), while in her “key” program; which she will not divulge to anyone. Let’s us also remember that she indeed wants to help people.

What do I think? Too easy!...........

When I hear someone say that they have found the key to weight loss, I wanna scream: LOOSE IT!!.........There is no key to weight loss, (trust me), if there were; the weight loss industry would die out!...

I think weight loss like anything else starts in your head.

Interestingly enough the wisest comment on this “show” came from the world's heaviest man who said: “I don’t believe in stomach surgery. I believe the problem (weight gain), is in our head”. He continues. “So until they can come up with surgery for ones head; I will diet one day at time”.......

VERY WISE words indeed....Too bad they got lost in the “bleeps” that we know all too well as television...

I wondered if the actress had received this man's message? Doubtful as the host of the show was twirling her/his hair as she/he listened to the only wise message....

And so it goes. People speak, we listen, they pretend to listen, we talk back, they don't hear, they don’t think. We change our lives, we think, we try to analyze. We dream we hope and some of us; go as far us basing it all on bleeps…..

My quote: “Language is a tangible yet ambiguous friend; she may not relay what you intended to say”....Who knew?.......If you must use this quote you will need to use my name/send me cash. My people will talk to your people....Okay?

So my blog will be a little of this, a little of that and some of the other. As I am a bi cultural bilingual (raised on two sides of the Americas); I will undoubtedly weave those experiences into my writing. In the end we are all filled with experiences and yet lead our lives in wonder.....

I hope you will find my blog thought provoking. I hope that you become a part of the conversation. I hope to make some friends along the way. I hope that others share their experiences with me; but most of all I hope you have fun, a few laughs and enjoy what you see/read along the way.

Help Wanted

Help wanted! I love those two words! To me they mean a mountain of possibilities. An adventure, if you will, into the unknown, a new chapter in my otherwise dull life......Where I will almost definitely, fall flat on my.......well.......you get the idea...........


So I am in search for work which as you know; is a job in itself. I am not sure who came up with that statement; but I am guessing it was someone...shall we say.......uummmm....stupid!?

If you think that looking for a job is a job in itself; let me clue you in on a couple of things. Now I know that one may or may not recall (depending on how long one has been unemployed) what a “job" is.

Let’s begin:

1) Jobs usually by definition PAY you (i.e marked by the reception of pay, involving gainful employment in something often done as a hobby, yielding a fair profit.

Now payments can come in many forms (i.e. stipends, material gains or profit)..... you get the idea. However what a "job" does NOT do is NOT pay you anything.Unless of course you are "working" to pass the time.

So while your out of work and looking for work....ummmmm?...Yup; NO ONE is paying you. Soooo?..........yup.......NOT a job.

2) Looking for a job is not like a job in that; if you don't show up for work no one fires you.

3) And this may go with number two as well: if no one cares that you have not showed up then the probabilities are high; that they wont care when you leave.... Yes; also a sign that this is NOT a job.

4) And finally…. and this should not even have to be said: If you have NO MONEY; that is a sign you don't have a job. And no, no amount of time you spend looking for a job; will ever make up for that fact.

I am sorry. I hate being right about this. Don't hate me because I am beautiful.........

I love all the “helpful tips" you get when looking for a job.....
"Don't look desperate"....Ummmmm but I am desperate?! How does one not look desperate? Let see………….

Interviewer: “So were looking to hire someone pretty much right away".
Me:” Oh..... That's nice. Good. Well....... give me a call if you want to. Or....... don't call. Either way. That's fine. Whatever you decide".
Yeah this employer will snatch you right up! NOT..........

I hate being right about this. I for one like someone who will beg (on command) if I ask them to. So as an interviewer/employer I am looking for that person; the desperate beggar. Think of about it. You as an employer continually have someone who is begging to: work late, come in early, run your errands, call your mom, walk your dogs and still begs you to do more.......Ummmm? yeah! Your hired!...........

I also hate it when people ask: are you a professional? A professional what? I asked someone this a long time ago and this is sort of how that conversation went.

" I think people ask you if you’re a professional because they want to know if you went beyond high school".....(Okay intriguing?)...

"Why?" I ask her.

She answers: "Well an employer wants to know if you will be someone "responsible" and are "committed" to something?...

To which I say, "Aha?...Well I have been committed to chocolate for the past....I don't know?........35 years? Is that what you mean?"

She answers, "Noooooo", now she is getting a bit irritated that I have cornered her into this “conversation”.

"Well what do you mean?" I ask her. I love to make people squirm.........hee hee......Oh face it! I wouldn't have anything to report back to you about otherwise!

She says: "Well they (employer) want to know that you have been "educated"; beyond a high school education. She adds, "You know. That you followed a course of study".

"Oh", I say flatly, "So let me see if I got this right", I continue, "In your world I have to be college "educated" in order to; be thought of as a "responsible" person”.

I continue, "Hmmmmm?.....Interesting"........and then I bust out laughing! I couldn’t help it. Don’t hate me.

She just stares at me with this kind of: "What the hell are you laughing at" kind of eyes. So she asks me just that……

My response to her: "Well it’s funny!! Your premise on why/why not people get hired”. I continue, “It is also funny that our current politicians are the epitome of what is wrong with your version of the so called "educated" people”.

“What do you mean?”, she asks annoyed.

“Education” I tell her, “ is not a guarantee that people are going to be "responsible", that they are going to be "intellectual" or even trustworthy”.

I go on,” And as far as “committed” goes I think you need to define your terms”. “I can be committed”, I continue, “ to robbing you blind, I can be committed to making your life hell”…..

She interrupts getting angrier by the minute, “Were talking about people in the workplace”. To which I answer: “So Am I!”…..

I began my cross examination, "Money my dear is the source you fail to mention; by all accounts the source which makes all these things possible”. ”And”, I continue a la Perry Mason, “Money is what MAKES people appear to be “responsible”; NOT their education”.

“Listen”, I tell her feeling sorry that she is within ear shot of my wrath, “All people will never be reliable, responsible and all the other bologna that you have been taught since school age”. I continue, “ But at least money will make people predictable”.

“So the more money you make the more predictable you are? How do you mean? She asks.

To which I say, “Presumably the more money you have/make the more you need/think you need it. Hence the odds that you will show up for work will be greater” I continue, “It does not mean that in your place on the ladder; you will be responsible/ committed”. I continue, “ It simply means that you are most likely to show up”........”Remember ENRON?........Hmmmmmmmm?.......

In case your wondering me and this person are still friends. And yes she has come over to my side a bit. I am proud to say!

So anyway…… Here is a better definition and one that I can least live with:

This comes to us today from "walterncool" from Yahoo answers (okay so it's not exactly the library of Congress; but for today's purposes it will do).

And to make this a more meaningful read; place the words “we the people” where it reads “employer”.

"Being professional means fulfilling responsibilities and taking heat. Any employee, no matter what the job, has a contractual obligation to the employer to fulfill the requirements of his or her job description while giving the employer's interests high priority". "Beyond that, working professionally generally means holding to more formal standards of performance and ethics than you might in your personal life. Conform to professional and/or industry standards in doing your job. Do it skillfully and well. Don't pursue personal agendas at the company's expense. Work hard; play fair. Represent your employer, your fellow workers, and yourself with dignity. Give the client and employer more than their money's worth".

I like this answer. Clear and it makes my point. You work; you are a professional. The more power you have the more responsibility you owe. Just ask Spider Man.
Adios!

Exorcise

......So I am supposed to be on my way to a healthier me. Apparently the current me is not so well. Yes I confess I could stand to loose a "few" pounds. The problem: I don't want to “stand” while doing it! Mine is not a world of the "Iron Man"; my world is more of the "Recycled Aluminum Gal". My motto for running: “Do it only when chased”.

So I started "running". Perhaps the term "running" here being stretched to its literary limits. Anyway I started my attempt at movement several weeks ago. However I had to stop; given the fact that I developed pneumonia. Now I am not saying that it was the running things fault; but it sure as hell didn't help! I mean it was 20 degrees out and I was sweating like a pudding at a picnic. Then I would come home and sit in front of the fan to "cool off". Perhaps not the most brilliant move? But hey at least I wasn't standing outside with any clothes on!...........Yes a little story………..
.......My mom (don't tell her I told you this) went to school with the nuns at an all girls school in Madrid, Spain. She hated it. So when she would come home on the weekends (during the cold season) she would take really cold showers. After the showers she would stand wet/naked by an open window! Much to her dismay however she said: “ Damn it! I never got sick!” Nuns will do that to ya!.........

So here I am the daughter of the "Bionic Chica" (unable to get sick while standing naked in front of a window during winter); getting sick while sitting (dressed) in front of a fan! I am a disgrace to the world of exercise. And to the all Bionic Chicas everywhere!

So now I have been home NOT running and getting flabbier by the minute. When your in your teens you can stop eating for a few hours and loose weight. When your in your forties you can stop eating for a few years and NOTHING. And when you’re in your 50’s, 60’s and 70’s you may as well face it: the lardage has won!

MERRY HOLIDAYS

Feliz Navidad and Merry Holidays Friends!

I am sorry I have not written for a bit(or a bite)get it? Anyway......life tends to get in the way. Does that ever happen to you? You WANNA do something but that darn life thing gets in the way. So today I stopped and got off the life train; long enough to wish you all a happy and safe holiday!!!!

Speaking of "holiday"......I never know what to say to people during this time of year. If I say Merry Christmas to the "wrong" person I may be violating his/her civil rights. On the other hand if I don't say Merry Christmas to the "right" person; then I may be perceived as a crazy liberal!!!! Oh no not that!!!!.............

Here is my take on all of this: We need to care and respect every one's beliefs. We learn from everyone a bit of culture and in the end; we may end up enriching our own lives. And that is how I see it. That is my confession for the Christmas season............

Though I must confess (again), that in talking to my friend who is of the Jewish faith; I think I want to "enrich" my life with some of her traditions..........Like the gift thing that keep on coming for 8 days in a row!!!!!!!!! Oh yeah! Jewish children receive gifts for Hanukkah – often one gift for each of the eight nights of the holiday. ........And eating Chinese food and watching movies on Christmas day........ Chinese food having something to do with the fact that they are the ONLY restaurants opens on Christmas! hee hee (;


Of course there are many, many more meaningful lesson to learn from other cultures than what I have stated above (duh). But you can’t deny that it is true; food brings people together! So find what brings you together and give thanks!

I have to tell you this that has been on my tiny mind lately.......Okay wake up!

You know those dorky happy faces that people put at the end of a sentence (like the one I used at the top there)..........Well here is an exclusive peek to my brilliant mind; for free………Let’s face it; if it wasn’t free you wouldn’t be looking………

....So I would get these emails from colleagues, and at the end of their sentences were these odd dorky looking symbols?

“Yet another part of the English language that I have not been privy to”, I thought. “How I wish I could have gone to Harvard or Yale”, I continued, “Or at least taken a good English class!”

I must begin by telling you that the fact that I received these symbols from very educated people; made me feel even more out of the loop than usual. As someone who speaks two languages I always feel that; I don't know exactly all there is to know about either language.

So I chucked it off as: "Oh well I can't know everything", but still I thought, "Wow how stupid I am in matters of writing", and I would sigh.

"I can't ever ask what (the symbol) that is/means; I will sound totally illiterate!".

At this point in my life I sounded half illiterate; but if I actually asked the question??….. You get the idea.... What is that expression?....."It is better to be thought a fool than to open ones mouth and remove all doubt"......Yeah that seems like good advice.........

So for years I never knew what the hell that (: thing was!!!!! It mocked me whenever I read an email!!!!!! "That damn symbol!", I thought, "What the hell does it mean!!!!!!!!!?".........

So being the ever clever chica that I am; I asked one of my students. Yes people when in doubt ask a child!

So I tried to sound as grown up/professional as possible; using as much ambiguity as I could possible pack.

“I was wondering Carmen,(not her real name), if you could add more of “those” on your page”, I said staring at her hands.

Carmen looks up at me with an “okay she is really gone now” look. So she asks, “What”?

“Ummm those things”, as I point to the screen.

Carmen asks again, “You mean more words?”……

”Oh dear Lord” I am thinking, “Do I sound as stupid as I feel?”…..I laugh nervously, “No silly”, I say pointing to the “symbols”, “Those things”.

Carmen in a very sweet matter of fact voice asks: "The happy faces?”.

“Yeeees the happy faaaa......What? I ask completely dumbfounded.

She repeats it slowly like a parrot mocking me, “Haaaappyyyy Faaaaaceeees?” Carmen continues as she sees the strange look on my face, "Seeeeeee its side ways?" she smiles as she tries to comprehend why on earth; is she explaining this to me?

Then I say, "Ah, ooooh yes! So it is!?"........

Confession: I did not see any damn happy face. I am sorry maybe after a few cocktails in me……… it may begin to look like something…….. But looking at this thing sober, with the lights on, in the middle of the day…….. no can do........

So Carmen ever the sweet gal she is; guides me through it. Yes people someone has to guide me through; what amounts to a part of a parenthesis and a colon!.......

She continues, "Look you just hit shift and then you hit it again over here", she looks at me like she is waiting for some kind of sign; that I actually understand the English language. She also looks over my head; maybe to make sure none of my neurons are on fire? Or it could have been my hair that day; it's hard to say.

So finally I say: "Oh I get it now!", I continue, "Yes I do see it! Watta ya know about that?? (Don't answer)..........

So then Carmen continues to tell me and show me all the different variations to it. Wow! I felt like a real pro. I felt like a part of Americana or LatinaAmericana or something "cana"………..

The one day a friend sends me this:

:>)

Okay I know when I have been defeated.........I give up!!!!!!

Merry Holidays! (; C: :>)

BACK........

You know what I have discovered recently? That if you need glasses and your typing in the dark........a different language is created..........Did you know that?..So hello becomes gello; last week becomes "astr weel" "ans so on".......So yeah I will be getting glasses soon..... Speaking of glasses on of the characters in my book has glasses; made out of molasses.......More about that as my book develops......I am sure you are all on pins and needles...........ha ha


As newbie to this Blog business I was looking on the net to see who had the best blog ( I need all the help I can get lets face it) . So it turns out that this person named: Marc Andreesen has like THE best blog; so I go on to look for his blog....... And .....wait for it.....nothing was there. I get to his page and it would not come up on my screen?!......

The perfect metaphor for my life: I finally get somewhere and NO ONE is there. In the words of Gertrude Stein: "There is no there, there". So true so true. I don't know what that means to you but to me it means: "Be happy where you are". Simple to the point......

So I went out and made an impulse purchase today; you know the kind that is supposed to make you feel better?....Till you get home and look at your checking balance? Well it was good while it lasted; right? Though let's face it most of our purchases ARE impulses. Do you ever say to yourself as you leave the store: "All I came for was a can of tuna for my cat".......Ahhhhhhh the stores you gotta love them?....

Have you ever noticed that there are no clocks in the stores? Hmmmm? I can't imagine why that is?.......No one should care about the outside world while they are there.......This is the Disney World for you wallet......The Lost City of Gold........mainly your own..... And these stores know exactly where to place this stuff so you can't pass it up.
I saw this show once (so you know its true) that told you the why/where of all the store tricks. Basically if you want the "cheap" stuff/clothes (after the usual 2000% mark up); you gotta go to the back of the store. Think of this as your cardio for the day.......

If you are at a grocery store however all the rules change....The cheap groceries will not be at your eye level nor will they be in the back. The grocery stores know that were all too lazy/too much of a hurry/toot tall to bend over to look for stuff? There is a joke in there somewhere……..Stop it!
And of course all the “impulse” stuff (or all the stuff we end up leaving the store with)is found at eye level. Things like: "Grow Hair Fast kit", "Teach your Dog Math" you get the idea ..........

You'll like this. I have to confess that I can remember thinking (as a young teenage "fashionista" )while visiting the clothing stores : "Oh my gosh this store will so go under unless it stops selling things so cheap". True story.... I can also remember a man on TV feeding my fears by also saying: "At these prices were giving stuff away"....What can I say I was young.......

I also remember shopping at a store called the "ID"; though I don't believe any of us who shopped there; knew exactly what the "ID" meant. I just can't see teen age girls with big hair, tons of make up and Madonna like outfits saying to each other: "...So yeah Tiffany: “The Id is the unconscious by definition;In Freud's formulation: "It is the dark, inaccessible part of our personality”........
Sorry, I just don't see that as ever happening...........

So what does this all mean? I don’t know I just this write this stuff for your amusement. But I guess if it were up to me; I would just want a store called: "It's all in the Back". Then I know I am getting a deal!......Oh stop it!